The nature vs nurture question is one for the ages. One I am truly not qualified to go into. But it comes up in this article: “The Talking Cure: Cleaning Up Online Conversation” from Harvard Business Review by Clay Shirky. It discusses the conversations held on social media that no longer show humans in their best light. Everyone on social media is vying for the most attention, and unfortunately, on forums where everyone can comment, those with the rude and condescending opinions are the ones who get it. I’m ashamed to say I know this first hand, because I was that rude commenter not too long ago. What I said wasn’t particularly untrue, but the way I said it was rude and uncalled for. When called out on my misbehavior, I tried to explain my position a bit more calmly and diplomatically, but I’m sure my original comment made the owner of the book review less than receptive.
She gave a very bad review on a book that she clearly didn’t read thoroughly. She missed some major story details and bashed it quite harshly. But what really got me emotional enough to comment on it was that there were many comments THANKING HER for saving them from reading the book. Well, I couldn’t stay quiet and told her if she can’t be bothered to read the book properly, she should be restricted from reviewing it. Or something to that effect.
She called me “not a nice person”.
I deserved that I guess.
My point is that in a business setting I would have never written that as emotional as I was. In a business setting, emotional responses are a big no no for me. When I get emotional, my vocabulary turns nasty – I think everyone can agree that’s normal. So I learned very early on that there are better ways to make a point.
I made myself laugh once by re-reading what I wrote to a colleague with whom I had a disagreement My vocabulary and demeanor in the email was overly polite. I said all I needed to and more and in the end it led to a very good discussion between us and we settled our differences.
Why then is social media conduct any different?
Truth is, it shouldn’t be. But I’m not the only one who tends to be more than a little emotional in social media. This article discusses exactly that. Except they claim that humans aren’t naturally well behaved. So I’m sure the author adheres to the nurture side of the age old argument. Shirky also goes on to say that there are several ways to prevent emotional and non constructive comments. I’ll leave you to read the article if that interests you.
I’ll close this by saying I know that from now on, I’ll try to view all my online responses as business dealings. I don’t want to be called a “not a nice person” again. And honestly, behavior like that is just not called for. Not when I have the power to edit.
I think you have touched a moot point here. While I do commend you on openly talking about a mistake you made and how you are going to correct it. I must say to get the entire rest of mankind to do so is beyond impossible. Though I like your idea to treat interactions as a business deal or transaction, I must also exclaim that those can be very emotional as well. The true base point behind your personal interaction as well as the articles writer is control. I see them as two points. One to control whats said and second to control emotions. Really one begets the other. Control your emotions and you can conquer your words. Who have you ever known that has gotten angry and said nice constructive words? Truth of the matter stands that its not just that people are trying to ascertain attention necessarily, but rather they don't exude self-control. Better stated, "Emotional Maturity." Ask yourself, "have you ever taken any classes that are mandatory that teach you how to control said emotions?" The answer is simple, no. While people grow old they are still acting out just as a child, due to undeveloped emotion control. Its not as Shirky suggests by developing some sort of stack overflow, or process for weeding people out of a sight. That is only addressing the effect and not the true cause. In the end, control in said aspect is uncontrollable. You just can't control the internet, the reader, or the masses, it's just futile. Again I hope you continue to post, and applaud you for recognizing a fault, correcting, and building upon it. May you lead others by your actions.
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